Monday, August 21, 2006

My first day of surgery posting and I'm elated!!

My surgical tutor was actually my csfc surgical tutor as well!
I couldnt believe it. I was like talking to him in the morning before I had my first session of briefing. And he still recognises me... ahh..the feeling of being in my comfort zone.

I think my morale's been boosted a lot because of this.
I really liked this tutor's teaching. I think I did once tell myself I wished he would become my surgical tutor whilst i was still having my CSFC.
And now, I got my wish....

Although he was like telling me he was not going to be Mr Nice Guy anymore because I was already year 3, I dont think it's a bad thing at all. He does have a point. I know myself i learn better by humiliation. And I wouldnt mind being humiliated by him. After all, he only wants us to become proficient doctors. So... blast me however you want.

Somehow, i also feel like I dont want to let him down. And I really want to make this surgery posting happen. I want to make it a good one for me

Alright...so onward I go!! go! go!

Friday, August 11, 2006

End of Medicine posting examination is coming

There is so much to do
There is so much to read
There is so much to remember

And there is this constant bothersome worrying that things may not go your way
And in doing so, you begin to neglect wat's happening around you.
And by the time you realise wat's going on, it all seems so twisted and shocking.
And who is to blame?

It's been 8 weeks. And I must admit it has been a tough 8 weeks.
It's been a difficult time for me.
It's drained me real good, to the point i think I've changed in some ways.
To the point I've changed in ways I never thought would possibly happen
Perhaps this is my life's challenge in a series of many even greater challenges to come.
Perhaps I'm already being tested and I've learnt my first lesson in life.
And I feel it takes a lot of courage and humility to accept and learn it, even when you think you may be too mature to do so. But I think that's arrogance in a way and I should be slapped on the "mature" part. heh. Everybody has their bad points no matter how good they are.

What's to become of me now?

I miss Max buddy boy......

Thursday, July 27, 2006

medicine posting. Sometimes I wish I could do surgery first since it's a lot less demanding than medicine. Just right out of the hols and wham! right in your face Big Kumar and Clark, lots of diseases, lots of criteria, lots of protocols, lots of procedures, lots of questions. And then people stressing me out when they shoot off answers like they're shooting an MG-42. pppphhhrrrraaaatttttt....... and then i realise..maybe I'm just not reading enough.

Everyday seems to pass so fast. I can hardly catch up on my reading because I'm too exhausted to do so. I cant last beyond 12 like I used to, and I suppose coffee does not help anymore. I wish my body can turn off and turn on refreshed in 4 -5 hrs or sth...but no..it has to be 7-8 hrs. Anything shorter than that, and I'll be a walking zombie.

And the travelling doesnt give much encouragement either. Go here, go there..go back here...and then go back there.. i wish I had teleporting abilities.

I suppose I cant expect things to go my way all the time. Sometimes, i do doubt my abilities to become a doctor, but sometimes, i think its takes to know what is wrong with you to become a better one day after day. I'll just have to endure and endure and endure and hopefully, the sun will shine once again. For now, it's like looking at a solar eclipse, but at least u can still see that bright rim of light and you know that it is still there.

I miss my boy max. I still cant forget those days I would run with him, play football, play catch, do the "helicopter puppy", pretend to bite his paw and listen to him plead for mercy, feed him.... clean his excrement..... Maybe during the hols I shall spare a few days at Down Under and then I'll feel refreshed again. A few days is better than none.

Ah well..i dun feel so sleepy now. haha... back to work

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Monday, June 12, 2006

One week plus of holidays have gone passed. I think it's still early to say school is coming. So I'll hold that thought for a while.

I've been spending my hols in Australia. It's like a sanctuary for me; a retreat, away from my "office" at the hospitals. Not as if I dont like being at the hospital, just that I wanted some time not thinking about it.

I flew off to Australia once eclinics ended because I wanted to utilise as much of my holidays as possible. I know that after this, holidays will become a legend. My first stop was in Sydney. I spent a week there. The weather was cold but it did rain for most of the week, which made travelling quite an inconvenience. I stayed at my brother's place at Darling harbour. We watched a lot of movies and reality TV shows (Jerry Springer is one hellava wierd wierd show). We also played our first games on the X360, which was incredible; the graphics, the sound... I bought this game called Blazen Angels(it's like Crimson Skies) in Singapore and brought it over to sydney to play. Games in Spore are sooo much cheaper than in Australia. The best part about X360: Watching my dad play "Need for Speed 2 underground". The way he handles the controls; somehow his arms seemed to do more of the controlling than his fingers, jerking about left and right in tandem with the direction of the car. And as you may have guessed, his car still kept slamming from wall to wall, sometimes moving off in the wrong direction. lolz. What a comical sight! And then my dad would try to impress my mum with his "driving skills" but my mum was nonetheless unimpressed with the thought that many people would have died the way the car was going.

Food was DE-LI-CIOUS!!! I can still remember the huge, live, lobster sashimi I ate. It was still moving a little when we gobbled up almost half of the meat. heh. but i tell you it was very tasty; sweet and crunchy. They would then cook the remaining parts of the lobster in miso soup. It was just as good...... :) Thanks bro. Hope you make more money so I can have more lobsters...haha.

I also helped my mum do some cooking because my brother was terribly missing homecooked food. So we would go to the victoria market to buy some fresh produce and cook it in whatever way possible. Honestly, I aint that hard up for home-cooked food, probably because I eat at home a lot. But I realise that the chicken tastes much better than the ones in Singapore. Maybe it's the weather that maintains it so well in its freshness.

After a week, I'm here now in melbourne to stay with my sister. Melbourne appears to be much much colder than in Sydney but I think I like melbourne more because it has a more laid back atmosphere to it. On the other hand, sydney appears very hectic. Anyway, I came to melbourne to pay a visit to my little buddy pal, Max. It's my first time seeing him and he's soo adorable. He's a Jack Russell-cum-Maltese and to me, he's a like a little child. He always wants to play ball and on days I would become extremely exhausted just playing ball with him. What intrigues me is the way he behaves; it's like he's almost human. I could read his expressions of frustration, sadness, happiness, cheekiness, anger, confusion, etc. he's sooo cute... and everynight, he would sleep with us on the bed, and at times he would rest his head on my thigh. In the morning, he often wakes me up by making squeaky noises using his little ball, and he would climb on top of me, waiting for me to wake up and occasionally shoving the ball into my face... sigh..too bad..he's going to be staying in melbourne permanent.

World cup fever is here! I thought the most impressive match was between Australia and Japan so far. They made like 3 goals within 10min or something. Btw, i supported Australia during the match. So i'm very happy for them. Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!... Oi! Oi! Oi!

Today I witnessd a minor accident involving a motorbike while driving. The rider tried to act cool and lifted the front wheel of his bike as he accelerated and turned at the same time. As a result, the back wheel spun so fast it swivelled the bike and caused it to slam onto the tarmac, bringing the rider along with it. I could see fragments spewing out from the bike. For a moment, i thought he was seriously injured but thankfully, he got up and carried on walking. He sure was pissed by the way he threw his scarf forcefully onto the ground. I suppose that's a confirmation that he's alright. ah well, for me, i guess it isnt time for me to use my eclinics skills yet....

Saturday, April 29, 2006

My first week of eclinics has JUST ended. Yes, if you're looking at your watches and thinking "but it's sat?", you got that right. Tutorial on Sat. Nevertheless, it was no surprise to see other CGs also succumbing to the same fate as us.

That aside, I feel that so far, eclinics has been one of my most refreshing moments, which rekindled my love for medicine; not totally, but it has up-ed it to about 50% now. History-taking and physical examination still feels kind of new to me, but inside my head, I feel like I'm getting the hang of it. My tutors have been really kind and helpful, and always there, to the point that sometimes, I feel I need more time to myself to go and practise. However, the teaching and the advice given has been really really essential to my understanding of being a clinician. I really like them. I would go back every night, just sitting down and thinking wat they say, and it all becomes so clear.

Eclinics has been a real eye-opener, not only in terms of learning the art of medicine, but also when it comes to meeting different ward patients, whose lives are so varied, each with their own unique story to tell. The patient who made me become most emotional was this patient who became so depressed over his illness he started tearing in front of the doc. The doc kept reassuring him that despite the failures of treatment, there is still hope, but all that reassurance seemed to mean nothing to him. I could sense that hopelessness in this face. And as I looked at his face, I could imagine myself in his shoes, in his agony. I wouldnt blame him for how he is feeling ( i may handle it much worse if I were him ), and he made me feel like I wanted to do something to help him but I couldnt because, I'm just a student...still.

When the doc asked me to look through the nasoscope to see his vocal cords, I felt kind of distracted cos the patient was definitely in pain whilst the scope was inserted through the nostrils. I quickly looked. The doc probed further with the scope and asked me to look again, and I was like thinking "sheesh, the guy's in pain! Get it over with already". I suppose from this experience, I can say I'm still very much an amateur "doc", because sometimes I let my feelings get the better of me rather than my head. But I'm sure in time, I'll learn.......

It's been a really exhausting but eventful week, and I enjoyed it very much. Every day is like stepping into the unknown. There seems to be so much to explore.....so much more....

Friday, April 14, 2006

it's been nice cooling weather these few days. But I wish it wouldnt rain as much because going out can be quite troublesome.

Yesterday, a bunch of med guys and I went over to Stanley's house to play badminton. Played for like 2 hours. I've never felt more physically exhausted, but I knew I had to push myself to regain my stamina to the level of my "glorious army days". I think badminton has some advantages over tennis. One, you dont need to worry about the weather because it's played indoors. Two, you probably wouldnt have to run as much because the court is smaller, and the lighter racket and shuttlecock means you would use less strength with each stroke. Three, you dont have to worry about hitting balls over the fence.

Anyway, it's been so long since I last did any form of aerobic exercise. I found that I couldnt move as fast as I could, and I'm not as agile as before. Perhaps it's due to all the inactivity and studying rather than age. 23 is still young. I'm sure I'll catch up in no time at all. We wanted to play some tennis but just too bad, it started to rain. A day has passed, and my whole body is aching right now, especially my butt (it's like it's about to explode). I guess I used alot of my gluteus muscles.

Stanley's place is real nice. The public changing room has a sauna! lolz And it's fitted with a radio tuner too. so cool. But we were all so hungry after the game so we wanted to quickly change and then eat.

I think so far, I've been playing a lot alot. So much that I think I've got my things mixed up. Like for eg, i thought the casualty exercise was going to be held today, but i just found out from mc the night before that it was actually next week. phew! i would have gone to school for nothing. And then, I thought MC was going to be baptised to be Christian, but it's actually to be Catholic. And I thought he was Catholic initially. Oh man, maybe I should slap myself so my mind's back to normal. Anyway, congratulations on your baptism that's coming! I wish you all the best with the Catholic faith.

Well, it's just over one week before school starts. I think year 3 is going to be a totally different new curriculum altogether. I'm excited yet apprehensive because I dont know if I'm going to cope well. I'm still excited because it's what I've always wanted to do as a kid: walk around with your stethescope, wearing formal clothing, white coat, talking to people, examining case reports, trying to come up with a diagnosis. Hmmm.. i think it can be fun. Rather, I think it will be fun, less all the stress of trying to pass the exams.